


the words i held back

by foreverfangirlwrites



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Caring Percy, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, Understanding, a bit of a chracter study, also feat. piper, and blueberry yogurt, and percy is really soft, annabeth centric, but also character growth, in which annabeth is basically a therapist, its cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:08:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28084461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverfangirlwrites/pseuds/foreverfangirlwrites
Summary: He’s got a soft, tired look on his face and she can’t help but smile at his messy hair. Evidently, he had just pulled himself out of bed.“How’s Piper?” Percy asks, following her to the kitchen.“Better.”“And how are you?”
Relationships: Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	the words i held back

“Thank you, Annabeth.” Piper says quietly, releasing a small sigh.

Even though she can’t see her Annabeth nods in response, switching the hand she’s using to hold her phone. “Take care of yourself and put yourself first.”

“I will,” Piper promises from the other end of the line.

She nods again as Piper says goodnight calmly, a far cry from when she had first called almost two hours ago.

Annabeth bids her good night, slumping back onto her couch with a sigh and resting her phone face down. It’s a good feeling, knowing she’s helped her friend through a crisis, and she takes a moment to shut her eyes.

Eleven pm is not a good time for eating, but there’s a blueberry yogurt in the fridge that’s practically calling her name, so she pulls herself off the couch and towards the kitchen.

The light click of a door opening draws her attention to the hall where, sure enough, a moment later, her roommate appears.

He’s got a soft, tired look on his face and she can’t help but smile at his messy hair. Evidently, he had just pulled himself out of bed.

“How’s Piper?” Percy asks, following her to the kitchen.

“Better.”

“And how are you?”

She stops by the fridge to turn and give him a look. “What do you mean? I’m fine.”

He waits till after she’s dug out her blueberry yogurt out to respond. “Yeah, but you also just helped Piper with her crisis.”

“So?” She peels back the cover and plops in a spoon.

Percy shrugs. “So, it can be a lot.”

“I’m fine,” she assures, squeezing past him in small entrance to the kitchen. There’s a warmth where his arm brushes hers and she focuses on her path back to the couch. “What are you doing?

“Well I was just going to get water but now I want yogurt,” he calls back, walking further into the kitchen. She smiles, settling herself back on the couch.

Percy joins her a second later. “It’s a crime this isn’t blue.”

“Blueberries are kinda purple though.”

He turns to her with a comically shocked face. “They’re called BLUEberries!”

She rolls her eyes and takes another spoonful. Living with Percy meant a constant reminder of his favorite color, not that she minds. “What’s up with you?” she asks.

“Not much, my boss is doing that thing again though.”

“The thing where he overcompensates for his flaws by glossing over them because his parents always expected too much out of him so he’s learned to divert attention?”

Percy stops mid-spoonful of yogurt.

“You really should have become a therapist.”

Shaking her head, she elbows him, as she always does every two months or so when either Percy or Piper (or Frank that one time) mentions her missed career opportunity.

“What did he do this time?” she asks.

“He said that because of—you know what, it’s not even a good story.”

“But it’s on your mind,” she pushes, taking another spoonful of yogurt.

“Just because I don’t think we can fix his mistake and reach the goal he’s set.” Percy frowns. “This happens all the time, I’m sick of it.”

“Then quit”

Percy raises an eyebrow at her, watching her scrape along the sides of her yogurt cup. “Are you offering to pay the whole rent for this place?”

He’s teasing but she raises her hands, or rather hand and empty yogurt cup, in defense. “Well don’t quit right this second, but nothing is stopping you from looking at other jobs.”

“Fair point,” Percy responds.

She stands up, holding out her hand. “I can throw it away,” she offers, nodding at his empty yogurt cup.

“Fine, but give me your spoon,” he insists.

Shaking her head, she trades the cup for the spoon. “You know you don’t always have to offer something in return,” she says, stalking over to the trash with the two cups in hand.

“Yeah but if I don’t you’ll do it all yourself,” he calls from the sink.

“I don’t see the problem in that.” She pokes her head into the kitchen to stick out her tongue.

Percy just makes a face back, but it’s more cute than anything else. She wants to stay out here and talk with him, but hours are catching up to her and she’s tired all of a sudden.

Percy must see that because his face softens. “Good night Annabeth.”

She smiles. “Good night Percy.”

And with that she walks to her room, plops on her bed, and falls asleep a minute after.

-.-

Matt texts her in the middle of her workday. Three times.

Frowning, she unlocks her phone to read the messages.

_Mom’s at it again_

_About Dad_

_Phone call probably coming your way_

She sighs, handling her mother is the last thing she wants to do right now. But if Matt’s texted her, her mother probably is about to call so she really should take her lunch early.

Sure enough, as soon as she reaches her car, her phone is ringing.

“Hello.”

“Your father is absolutely ridiculous.”

Annabeth sighs again and puts her phone on speaker, rustling through her purse to find her chapstick.

“What happened this time?”

Unable to find it, she frowns, deciding to take everything out on the passenger seat. The first thing to fall out is a blue keychain that Percy had bought her ages ago that she’s completely forgotten about. There was some bet involved but she can’t remember it over her mother talking, so she just adds it to her keys with a smile.

And as her mom goes on a rant, she systematically organizes the rest of her purse.

She’s handled her mother enough times to know exactly what to say and by the time her purse is organized her mother is calm and she texts Matt the all-clear.

 _You can go get food now_ she sends, knowing her brother is probably in his room trying to avoid running into either of them.

 _How do you do it?_ He texts back a second later and she decides not to respond, turning her attention to her own source of lunch and the meeting she has in an hour.

-.-

“How was your day?” Percy asks when she walks into their apartment that evening. He’s sitting on the couch with his laptop open and his hair is messy enough for her to actively resist the urge to fix it.

She just shrugs, dropping her keys on the table and shrugging off her coat. “Fine, what about you?”

“Did anything happen?” he pushes, looking up at her intently.

“Eh, my mom got into a fight with dad but that’s about it.”

“Damn, that sucks.”

She shakes her head, stopping at the hallway to her bedroom door. “Nah, don’t worry, It’s fine now.”

Percy turns back to look at her. “Yeah but I’m guessing you talked to her.”

Her response is another shrug as she walks into her room, wanting nothing more than to change into sweats. Besides, there isn’t much to talk about, it is fine now and her purse is organized.

“What are you up to?” she asks when she returns to the living room.

But his gaze is stuck onto her keys on the table. “You put on that keychain.”

She looks over. “Yeah, I organized my purse today and found it.”

He turns to look at her. “We bet on that.”

“Yeah, I don’t really remember what it was though.”

“Oh.”

He turns back to his laptop but she can see he’s distracted.

“What was it?”

“Huh”

“The bet.”

He doesn’t look at her. “It was probably something dumb while we were drunk.”

And then it hits her. Fortunately, or unfortunately, she has a good memory. The night comes back to her.

_The air was warm and the night young on their way home from a nearby bar. It was one of the few times she let herself lean closer to him under the guise of alcohol. He’d been laughing with his head back at some stupid thing and she was intent on watching him._

_“Hey! You want keychains!” The voice was loud and to the left and before she could turn to the guy and say no, Percy stopped to actually look at the table where the vendor had laid out a bunch of keychains._

_“How much,” he asked, pointing to a plain blue one that just said NYC._

_“Normally five but I’ll make it four for you.” The guy responded and even in her tipsy state she recognized the selling tactic._

_“Alright.”_

_And she just watched amusedly as he gave the guy the cash and picked up the keychain with the excitement of a two-year-old._

_“Annabeth check it out—hey, this is too bendy!”_

_She didn’t stop herself from laughing and he frowned at her._

_“Regretting the purchase?” she teased._

_“No, it’s a gift, for you,” he handed her the keychain and she rolled her eyes._

_“Way to pawn it off.”_

_“It’s a symbol of my love!”_

_Her heart raced at the words, but she pushed it down to roll her eyes again. “I won’t use it.”_

_“Bet.”_

And she had shaken her head as they continued on home.

Well, she had used it. She had technically accepted “a symbol of his love.” It had been a drunk statement but from the way Percy is acting…she suspects there might be something more to it.

He glances at her again and she realizes she hasn’t said anything. She knows he’s waiting for her to say something, she should acknowledge it. But she can’t bring herself to, so she just shrugs.

“Yeah, probably.”

He nods, turning back to his laptop screen to scroll aimlessly and she knows something’s off. She’s perspective enough to know that it’s because of her. 

“So what are you up to?” she asks again.

“Looking for jobs.”

She turns to him surprised.

“What, you suggested it.” Percy shoots her a look.

Well he has a point, but—“I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”

Percy shakes his head, a small smile gracing his face. “What, you think I don’t listen to you? I take what you say seriously Annabeth, I care about you.”

He turns back towards his screen and she has to stop herself from gaping at him.

“I care about you too.” She needs to let him know she cares. The keychain burns bright in her peripherals.

Percy just shoots her a smile and turns back to his laptop. But, before she can ask how the search is going, to bring some normalcy back, the doorbell rings.

“Did you order something?” she asks, getting up to open the door.

Percy shakes his head. “I’m guessing you didn’t either.”

Slowly, she opens the door to reveal Piper standing there. “Hey! Sorry for barging in, I’ll be on my way in a sec—“

“No, no, come in!” Annabeth ushers her inside before she can even finish her sentence.

“Hey Piper!”

“Hey Percy! I brought you guys some cupcakes, just wanted to drop them off.”

“What? Why? And you can stay you know.” Annabeth says, taking the container from her.

“You sure?”

Annabeth nods and sets the container down as Piper shrugs off her coat.

“Thanks guys.”

“No, thank you!” Percy says, reaching for a cupcake.

“Just my way of thanking Annabeth for being a great friend slash therapist.”

Percy nods furiously, mouth full of cupcake, and she’s probably looking at him more fondly than she cares to admit. Turning her attention to the cupcakes, she reaches for a green frosted one. “You didn’t have too.”

Piper crosses her arms. “I’ve called you crying like three times in the past two and a half weeks. I wanted to.”

Annabeth chooses then to take her bite of cupcake. “This is really good.”

Piper beams. “I’m glad you like them, the bakery had good reviews on Yelp.”

“I want to go there,” Percy pipes in, getting up from the couch. “Want some water?” He asks, turning to her. His sea-green eyes are soft.

“I can get it.”

“Let me do something for you Annabeth,” he jokes walking towards the kitchen. She watches him walk away.

Piper catches her eye and smiles suggestively and luckily Percy returns before Annabeth has to address _that_.

-.-

A few days later she’s doing the dishes when Percy comes home, later than usual.

“Percy?” she calls.

“Annnnnnaaaabbeeetthhh!”

A moment later Percy steps into view, a huge grin on his face as he leans against the wall.

“Are you…drunk?”

“Just a little,” he responds with that same wide smile. It’s annoying that even in this state he’s really cute.

She puts away the last dish and turns towards him. “Guessing your night out with the guys went well?”

He nods, watching her move around the small kitchen. “Yep.”

“That’s nice,” she replies, once again trying to squeeze past him but he blocks her way.

“But it sucks that you weren’t there.”

He’s so close and she can feel the warmth of his body.

“Maybe next time.” She wants to stay there a little longer, but she really should back away. Before she can, he grabs her arm.

“Annabeth,” he says in a surprisingly serious voice given his wide smile form before. “You’re great.”

Her heart is racing as she shakes her head with a smile. “And you’re drunk, come on.”

She tugs him to the living room and he plops down on the floor. “Stay there, I’m gonna get you some water.”

“You don’t need to take care of me Annabeth!” he yells across the room as she fills up a glass.

She takes the moment to breathe because all of a sudden everything feels like it’s coming to a head with Percy. And that’s not a bad thing, she just knows she needs to do something about it. Saving that problem for a later time, she turns her focus on taking care of him.

“If I don’t, who will,” she shoots back, walking back into the living room and handing him the glass.

He waves at her, as if trying to wave the words away.

“I’ll figure it out.”

But he still takes the water and practically chugs it as she sits on the couch. “Do you want to sit up here?”

“No,” he sets the glass down and lays back. “The floor is my friend.”

“If you say so.” As amusing as his antics are, she can’t stop the swell of her heart at seeing him laying there with a small smile on his face.

“How was your day?” he asks with his eyes still closed.

“Fine.”

“You always say that!” he complains, opening his eyes.

“Well it was,” she defends.

Percy frowns adorably, shaking his head. “You need to stop being so stubborn.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he flails his hands in the air. “You need to let people in.”

“What is that supposed to mean? I do!”

He shakes his head, closing his eyes again and letting his hands fall to his side. “No, because if you did, you would’ve let me in.”

“And,” he continues, “we could be…”

She holds her breath, clinging on to every word, but he’s starting to drift off.

“Percy!”

He jerks awake. “Huh? Yeah?”

“What were you saying?”

“What was I saying?” he asks, settling back down.

“About us…” she trails off, heart pounding as she wonders if it’s what she thinks it is.

“Us?”

He’s drifting off again and it’s basically a lost cause but she tries anyway.

“We could be….”

“Hmmm,” Percy replies and she sighs, leaning back into the couch. It’s definitely a lost cause.

“More,” he whispers, before turning around and actually falling asleep.

She freezes at the words.

There it was.

It had been what she had thought. She was right.

She is usually right.

That means everything she’s been picking up on, the looks, the way she always wants to be closer to him, even the keychain, were something. It’s…confirmed.

If you let me in, he had said. But she had let him in. They lived together, spent time together, he’s secured a spot in her life.

But that’s not what he means. She knows that too.

Sometimes she wishes she didn’t know as much as she does.

She slumps back onto the couch, suddenly exhausted. Maybe it’s because of her week, maybe because of the three crises she had solved, maybe it’s because the truth she’s perspective enough to already know had been blasted to her face.

She knows that she doesn’t let people in as much as she should. If she’s self-aware enough to know other people’s problems she definitely knows her own.

But it’s something she struggles with. And she knows a lifetime of helping other people but not being helped and always having figuring things out yourself will do that to you. It’ll build up a wall that she doesn’t really know how to take down.

“How do you do it?” she asks in a whisper. His breath falls slowly as she watches his body sprawled on the floor.

It’s one am, and maybe that’s what’s pulling the words out of her as she whispers into the night.

“How do you bare your heart like that?”

He can’t answer, and part of her doesn’t want him too. Maybe that’s why she’s asking his sleeping form.

It’s not about talking. Annabeth can talk, talk about designs and food and Percy and movies. She can talk about everything except herself.

Except the things she’s feeling, the thoughts that make her brain messy. Because that’s when the words get stuck

And yet.

She wants to spill them. She wants to say it all, wants to just talk about herself for once. Wants to talk to someone who’ll just listen.

She knows Piper will, she knows Percy will, but it doesn’t feel like it. It’s like there’s no space for her amongst everything else and suddenly her vision is getting blurry as her eyes well up with tears.

She just wants to speak.

And it feels like there’s no place for the words to go.

Her mouth is sealed shut, unable to open to the people who care, and she doesn’t know why because she wants to speak goddamnit.

And she likes helping put her friends, doesn’t mind being the one they go to. She honors that position.

It’s just sometimes she wants it to be about her. But her stubborn independence, her knowledge that she can figure it out by herself stop the words from coming out.

The two forces clash against each other leaving her tired.

So she keeps her silence, casting one last look at Percy’s sleeping form, and closes her eyes.

-.-

It sounds horribly egotistical to say it like that but she can’t stop the thought.

“I need a me.”

You need a therapist, she tells herself.

She doesn’t actually have any major problems, and the ones she does have she knows she can slowly work on solving. But she really needs an outlet. She wants a person to just talk to. Just so the words have somewhere to go.

She’s all too self-aware, but so are therapists. And even they probably have a therapist.

At the very least though, she needs a place for the words to go, even if she can’t get a therapist.

Maybe they should go to the people who they’re meant for.

Or rather.

The person.

Before she can really think about it further, two strides take her over to Percy’s door. Tentatively, she knocks.

A grunt lets her know she can come in and she steps into the messy room.

It’s blue and smells like Percy’s cologne and the man himself is laying on top of his bed without a shirt, face squished on his side.

“Hey,” she says quietly, taking in the scene with a smile.

He groans. “Never let me drink again.”

“That’s what you said last time,” she reminds him, sitting by the side of his bed.

“I meant it.” He turns to face her. “What’s up?”

His sleepy eyes are trained on her and his hair is adorably messy again. She wants to reach out to fix it.

So she does.

Percy’s surprise morphs into a smile as he leans into the touch.

“You want breakfast?”

“Of course.”

She smiles again and moves to get up, but he lays a hand on hers to stop her.

“What’s going on Annabeth?”

He wants to know, she has to remind herself. He wants to listen. She can speak.

She should speak.

But the words are getting stuck.

It’s ironic because had he asked for an answer it would’ve been so easy, easy to suggest he looks for another job. But as soon as he asks her a question, that’s when it gets difficult.

“Take your time,” he says quietly. His hand is still on top of hers and she nods, psyching herself up. This is easy, she just needs to speak her truth, she can do this.

Slowly, she intertwines their fingers.

“I think…I think we could be more too.”

The smile on Percy’s face makes everything alright.

“I just don’t know how to figure it out,” she admits, the words flowing out easier now that the dam had broken.

He sits up, pulling her hand up to his cheek. “You don’t need to figure it out. Some things just need to be felt.”

The words stun her and he takes that moment to pull her closer. Her heart beats quickly and she _does_ feel it, feel the warmth of his skin, the light in his eyes and the squeeze of her own heart.

It’s the perfect answer to her problem and she thinks maybe she should take notes. But right now, it’s much more important to feel, so she leans back against him as his arms come to circle around her.

She still has a lot to work through but letting Percy in is the first step. The walls he’s been steadily working on breaking through small acts of care feel a little less rigid now that she’s accepted it.

Yeah, it’s going to be okay.

She smiles. There’s a lightness in her chest and even her mind feels freer, no longer burdened with the words she’s held in for far too long.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is something I hadn’t planned on writing, it just kind of happened. It’s a product of what I was feeling at the time, upset and restricted by my own doing. It can be difficult to get the words out when you don’t feel like there’s space for you.
> 
> So, I wrote them down. The page is the place for my words to go. Writing is how I get them out, it’s a space that’ll listen and I felt so much better after writing this. 
> 
> Everyone needs a space for their words, whether it be to a friend, or family member, or a creative outlet like painting or writing, just know that there is space in the world for you. Just take and own it.
> 
> Annabeth in this fic isn’t burdened by those around her, she’s just unable to speak her truth because of the walls she’s built up. It’s her own thing to get over. And if I’m being honest, it’s also mine. 
> 
> But as I said before the page is my space, these stories are my truths. I hope you guys liked this, please Comment because I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!  
> And as always, thank you so much for reading!  
> See ya! :)


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